Pain

This blog started many many moons ago as a way to help me pull myself up out of depression. I have been doing quite well for some time now (as long as I am medicated) so I changed the description. This weekend was quite a downer though and I felt myself sliding.

I have been in significant pain since we returned from vacation. My right foot has been really sore, but so has my ankle and knee and my left hip. I was in a car accident years ago that shattered my right leg, wrecked my right knee and broke my left pelvis. The pelvis wasn't found until a year+ after the accident. The extent of the knee damage wasn't found until after I delivered Maestro (~12 years later).

It seems all the flip flop and Crock wearing I did this summer, especially on vacation, did a number on my joints. I got new shoes and cheap arch supports hoping to improve things, but it only got worse. Another pair of sneakers and it got worse still. I went to a podiatrist on Friday hoping that some orthotics would get my feet realigned and get me back on my way to comfort and health. His xrays showed severe arthritis in my ankle - worse than I realized. He agreed that I have severe overpronation . This may be what is causing all my pain and it may be that orthotics will fix it, BUT custom made orthotics are $425 and insurance is unlikely to cover them.

I can not function like this though. I am in so much pain that I didn't do anything fun with my boys like I had hoped to do during their Rosh Hashanah break. We could have gone to the zoo or apple picking or to the beach, etc. but I was in so much pain that just taking them across the road to ride their bikes was exhausting. sigh.....

Saturday was soccer. Morning soccer in the rain with Maestro and then afternoon soccer with Galileo. I sat through most of the games and Craig parked and fetched the car so I wouldn't have to walk far, but I was still in so much pain I couldn't sleep. I finally took half of a percoset in the hopes of sleeping enough to get up and have a good day on Sunday. Wrong! I woke with a migraine from hell, and it has continued all day. So much for starting to go to church (Unitarian Universalist). So much for the block party we were invited to by a neighbor, so much for enjoying a beautiful day with my family. After snapping at my husband and being a total bear, I spent the rest of the day in bed. At least Craig accepted my sincere apology and said all the right things.

I blame most of this on that f*#@ing car accident I had 16 years ago. I know I should be grateful to be alive and grateful to have my beautiful family etc, etc, etc, but it pisses me off no end that the accident that I fought so hard to come back from is still ruling so many of my days.

I am also frustrated by my weight. I was going great guns in the spring. Lost my first 10% by my birthday, but decided WW would be too hard to do during the summer with the boys home. I vowed to maintain my weight and enjoy the summer. I did fairly well until we went on vacation. I have now gained ~10lbs in less than a month. I really don't think I am eating that much more, but I do know I have done some emotional eating. I'm also just so frustrated by this pain that keeps me from being outside and active. sigh....

Well this long ramble is getting so boring and is accomplishing nothing. Mostly it just explains why I am finding myself sliding back into depression. I find my thoughts going places that I know aren't good and the only way I can find to stop them is sleeping. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

sigh..........