My Challenging Child - Part One

I'm so worried about Galileo. He has always been a challenge. I came home in tears from a playdate yesterday. I fear the problems are getting worse instead of better as he gets older.

Galileo has always been challenging. He was a challenge to conceive - we did IVF. Luckily our first one took and except for having a vanishing twin, my pregnancy was really very easy. I ended up giving birth to him by c-section because he flipped from head down to breach at 38 weeks. Kind of indicative of the "my way or now way, Mom" pattern we have been in ever since. My doctor didn't believe me when I told him at the 38 week appointment. At the 39 week appointment the u/s confirmed it. He was born 10 hours later via c-section.

His babyhood was very challenging. He had difficulty nursing and I didn't know what I was doing. As a result, I started to lose my milk supply and for a few agonizing days, my baby was bascially starving. I had this blissful image that when baby cried I would put him to my breast and all would be right with his world. I would be the one person that could comfort him. Instead, I put him to the breast and he would scream and scream. That is until he became listless and lethargic with dehydration. When I first took him to the doctor, I was told to nurse, pump and supplement with pumped breast milk. The next time we went back, he was still losing weight so we we told to supplement with formula. I felt so horrible and so guilty for that for years. I felt like such a failure. In many ways and for many reasons that feeling has never left me where Galileo is concerned. (I'm over the nursing issues and he was not fully weaned until he was over 3 years old, so I guess I did OK there in the long run.)

I so want to write more, and will continue later. For now I have things I have to do before I go pick up the little boys.