Made it to Mom's

A 4 hour trip started late and took 6 hours with kids. We had to stop 6 times for various kids needs. It was a nightmare. When we got here, Mom was upset that we were so late. Then it took a couple of hours to settle the kids. Only saving grace was that the baby slept in today. So, I'm not as exhausted as I could be.

I do feel like a jerk though. Mom told me her cousin's wife died in November. I had no idea. Glen is one of my favorite people even though I don't know him very well. I guess in the craziness of life, mom just hadn't thought to tell me. I sent a Christmas card addressed to both of them. I think I even wrote "hope you are both well" in the note. ARRRGH! I wish I had known. I was so proud of myself that I wrote notes in most of the long distance cards. Now, I wish I hadn't. Oh well.

Time to go do Christmas with my family.

Happy Happy Everyone!

Some Christmas Pictures

Really concentrated on video taping for Grandma since this is the first year she wasn't with her grandsons on Christmas morning, so we didn't get many pictures, but we still got a few.

Before Santa's Arrival

Making Gingerbread Houses on Christmas Eve

Galileo's House

Maestro's House

Posing with Tyco Terrainiac
Santa had to grab this at the last minute ;)
Little Bit Loved this Ball and has become quite a ham!

Merry Christmas!
Thanks for Looking

Santa Did Good!

December was a bit of a roller coaster with the depression and keeping up with holiday madness. Tried really hard to do things that would make an impression/memory for my kids and let go of things that would just stress me out.

Anyway, the kids are happily playing TOGETHER with the Playmobile Castle that Maestro got. I really wanted to encourage pretend play and this seems to be doing it. Apparently M's knight is named Tom and Tom's horse is named Tim. LOL! We made them break to sing Happy Birthday to baby Jesus and to eat cupcakes. I really wasn't sure that even the promise of a sugar high was going to tear them away. (Knowing they would each be blowing out their own candle did it the little pyros!) Now, they are right back at it-crashing through walls, making horses talk and negotiating with eachother. Daddy and I are ready to collapse, but they are still going strong.

No extended family here today. Its been strange but great. Lots of peaceful time together with just us. Having ALL 5 of us together and connecting so rarely happens these days. We need to carve out time and make it happen.

Tomorrow, we leave for my mom's, 4-5 hour drive. Then, Saturday we leave there and head toward Craig's sister's in PA. I think we will drive straight there instead of coming home first and either drive partway and stay in a hotel or stay in a hotel near Amanda. Either way, its going to be a busy few days. I'm glad we had this peace and respite amid all the chaos.

Now, I must pack and tidy up some. We would love to shock my mother by actually getting there before dark.

Merry Christmas All

My Little Dare Devil

I'm so in trouble. Little Bit has learned the joy of balancing and climbing.


A couple of weeks ago. Standing on the "SIT and spin" with no hands.

Today



Reaching for the timer daddy used to plug in christmas lights partly to keep them out of reach!



And this big brother is why your art supplies must go back in your desk in the sun room when you are done with them.


Getting ready to climb down. At least he mostly knows to go backwards.


So, if I'm not blogging much, you know it may be because I'm chasing my monkey.

Elf Yourself

Very Cute video from elfyourself.com

Wednesday Accomplishments

Walked Galileo to school (its not far, but I usually drive, drop him off, and then take the little boys on to the babysitter and Maestro's school. Since Little Bit didn't have babysitter today, I decided we should walk. Then we walked home, loaded up the little boys and headed to M's school).

Went to the grocery store to picked up the ingredients to make dairy free muffins for M's school tomorrow since I'm helper. Also got baby food and some things for tomorrows dinner. Yay me!

Cleaned the kitchen including scrubbing all the Thanksgiving mess of the stove. (I didn't do much in there last night, so it was a MESS)

Went through the boxes and bins of boots etc in the old coat closet in preparation for moving the brooms etc in there. One more box to go!

Picked up, straightened and swept living room/entry.

Brought a friend home from preschool with Maestro to help out his mom whose babysitter canceled last minute. He was here until right when it was time to get Galileo

Let Galileo play with his best friend on the playground despite the snow and cold. Even the crossing guard thought we were nuts!

Hey, I'm doing pretty well today. Need to go put the stove back together and get dinner in the stove.


I did up my meds for a few days to try to help kick start me back in to a good place. Just being able to put order in the house will help me maintain better.

Sorry to any readers that this is such a boring listing. Since I think I don't have many readers, I figured I using it in this way helps me, so I'm going to do it. Next time I feel like a failure, I can look over today's list.

Tuesday's Accomplishments

Made the bed

Baked Cookies with Maestro

Went to my annual gyn exam even though my child care fell through and I had to take both Little Boys with me.

I think there were more, but I can't remember. I really need to blog on the day things happen. I know I was writing an entry in my head all day, but now I can't remember.

I'm Struggling

This blog started a few years ago as a way for me to cope with my life long depression. I was doing well and stopped blogging. When I got back to blogging, I changed my opening blurb because I really was not dealing with depression anymore. I take my medicine every day (mostly, I do forget here and there) and just get on with my life. I was especially proud that I wasn't hit with PPD after Little Bit was born almost 8 weeks early. If there was ever a time that could trigger an episode, that was it. (I did have a pretty severe episode when I went off my meds in the first trimester with Little Bit. I knew when the shrink suggested it that it was a bad idea, but I tried it)

Anyway, I did really well this fall until the time change. It came later this year and I think that is part of what threw me off. I did so well through all of October, that I wasn't expecting the crash. The time change coupled with many days of cloudy, rainy weather really threw me for a loop. Luckily, I realized what was happening and got to the shrink. He suggested a light box. I had asked about one in past seasons and he said it was too late. This year he said if I got one right away, it could work.

That was a month ago. It took me awhile to decide on one and then they had issues with my credit card. If all goes well it should arrive today. It takes up to a week to work. Biggest issue is going to be hauling my butt out of bed in time to use it every day.

In the meantime, I have been trying to cut myself a break and to make small steps to make myself feel better. Luckily, Craig and I are doing better. (I wrote about a relationship that was upsetting me a few weeks ago. My marriage was in something of a crisis, but we seemed to have gotten through it).

We are treating this episode as if I have a chronic physical illness like RA or MS and this is a flare. Actually, I know my depression is physical. It is a definite chemical imbalance in my brain that I will battle the rest of my life, but it is hard to remember that sometimes. I feel so pathetic. I'm not dealing with death or serious illness in my family, money is tight, but I have no problems feeding, clothing, sheltering my kids etc. So what do I have to be depressed about? I know women dealing with those issues and they are doing just fine and holding it all together. Then I remind myself that I would be fine to if my serotonin levels were ok. And I will be fine again.

I'm also trying to take baby steps toward helping myself. Part of my problem is the chaos in our house. It brings me down and makes me feel even more overwhelmed. It was started by the construction and excacerbated by changing seasonal clothes, getting out holiday stuff etc. BUT, I CAN make progress. I am trying to find one good thing I have accomplished every day to feel good about. Even if a million things remain undone at least I did ONE thing. I may start listing those things in my blog every day as a reminder. Sort of an online cognitive therapy excercise.

Friday: I made a costco run with both younger boys. not a big deal on a normal day, but hard to do when you feel like you are moving through thick thick molasses and your patience is thin as a dime. Also let the boys play for a long time at the playground after school despite the freezing cold.

Saturday: 1) I volunteered at the school book fair and had a really good time. Galileo came with me and was so well behaved and so helpful at the end packing up and breaking down displays. I was so proud of him. 2) I managed to keep the baby alive despite a horrible brain crushing migraine so that Craig could get the Christmas lights up.

Sunday: 1) taught the boys how to make paper snowflakes and helped JD make online snowflakes. At this site. 2) Took the baby up for a bath and bathed he and Maestro while Craig and Galileo finished dinenr. Again, something I take for granted on a normal day, but it took all my will power last night. 3) Folded and put away hamper after hamper of laundry. Only got about half way done, but its a start. Also cleaned out the too small clothes from the baby's dresser.

Today: Cleaned the kitchen including sweeping the floor. Hope to get it mopped soon. Went through the boys Christmas gifts with Craig to make sure I had it even. May get one or two more things and need stocking stuffers. Took baby to doctor for his cold - no big deal, but took time energy from other things

Today's Remaining Goals: Mop the kitchen floor, buy groceries either online or in person, make baked beans for dinner to have with the bagel dogs Maestro has been begging me to make. I know, not so healthy, but at least its not McDonald's. I have a lot more I would like to get done, but I think this is enough for now.

Tree Of Thanks - Better Late than Never

Here is our tree of thanks Not very pretty, but a great excercise for the boys. Galileo really got into it! I hope to post a pic with both of them later as well as a list of what the leaves said. for now. I need to run to the local toy store for a couple of Christmas presents. They are offering 10% of today's sales to my son's preschool.

It was a Happy Happy Day

I'm happy to say Thanksgiving went very well.

I cooked while Maestro was in preschool the day before. After I picked him up, I brought him home for lunch, peeled some sweet potatoes and then went to get Galileo. We all four went to Chuck E. Cheese where we met with Jonathan's best friend and his mom and sister. D. is becoming a good friend of mine so, it was a good time for all of us. We were there for hours and hours and hours. When we got home at 6:30, we found Craig had left for the office. He was suddenly having issues signing in to work from his laptop and wanted to get it to the tech people so they could fix it on Friday. I had a heart stopping moment when he told me he couldn't log in to the network. His company has been hit hard by the mortgage crisis and has been going through many lay offs. I was afraid his inability to log in meant he had been laid off. Luckily, I panicked for nothing. He was actually able to get his lap top working himself by loggin in at the office, so I guess it was good he went in to work.

I quickly fed the boys dinner and bundled them upstairs. I let them watch TV in my room until Craig came home. Thank Goodness for PBS kids on Cable. I was exhausted and my arthritis was acting up after hours on my feet holding Little Bit and chasing the big boys. I knew I should go downstairs and cook/prep some more, but I just couldn't. I took an ambien and went to sleep. Best move I could have made.

Thanksgiving morning I was up bright and early and cooked the rest of the day. when the big boys woke up, I did take a break to get them started on our "Tree of Thanks". We mixed brown paint, painted a big tree and then they cut out leaves and wrote what they were thankful for on them. I will take a pic later and post all the things they said. Some of them really warmed my heart.

Nana & Pop Pop showed up about 2 hours after the turkey was done. It was still a last minute scramble to get everything else done, but it all worked out. The gravy was gross, the potatoes were only OK and the pie crust was soggy. I was proud of myself though because I didn't stress out, I didn't get mad at Craig or yell at the kids. I didn't try to make it perfect and it was good enough. Most importantly my boys had a good day.

The next day I woke up with no voice and Little Bit's cold.

Today, we are heading to Craig's parents. His highschool reunion is tonight and Nana & Pop Pop are taking the kids. Of course we haven't packed and are running really late ( I had hoped to be there by now), but I did find a dress to wear in the attic and so we are off again.

such a dry boring post. I really must learn to do short posts more often.

I

Gotta Get Cooking!

Just found out my In-Laws are coming for Thanksgiving. We hosted them last year and I had a preemie that I was still pumping for and feeding round the clock, so how bad could this be? I just have to get the kitchen back into a reasonable state that I can cook some today and get the house remotely organized.

MIL was here helping February after my hernia operation and was appalled at the state of my house and the state of my laundry. In the mean time, she was exhausted by running the big boys. My mom did all the baby care and all the cooking. She is just clueless and I have to not get stressed by it. I just have to keep telling myself if my men have a good holiday then that is all that matters. Having Nana and Pop Pop here will make it more fun for the boys, so they will be here.

Does add a level of stress though in that I now have to give a time when dinner will be served and I can't just throw a turkey and some stove top stuffing on the table and call it a day ;)

Here is the menu:

Turkey
(I'm considering brining it. Craig thinks its not worth the effort)

Homemade cranberry sauce
(and will ask MIL to bring the canned crap since they (and ds) like it)

Mashed potatoes and Gravy
(bought the jarred stuff just in case. Last year's gravy was a disaster)

Sweet Potatoe Casserole with yummy pecan topping and marshmallows
(oh crap I forgot the marshmallows!)

Curry Cornbread stuffing
(although I still may also resort to stove top since Galileo doesn't liek curry)

Corn Broccoli Casserole

Spinach Cream Cheese Casserole

Green Beans

Homemade Pumpkin Pie
(experimenting with fresh pumpkin yes I'm insane)

Pecan Pie (because its the only pie I really like)

Hmm, just realized there is no salad may ask MIL to bring one.

OK, I have 2 hours and 15 minutes until I have to go pick up Maestro and one of his classmates. 90 minutes later, I pick up Galileo and we go somewhere fun with his best friend, E, E's sister and mom.

I'm also hoping to get a "thanful tree" painted (or outlined for them to paint) so they can add leaves as a craft activity tomorrow to keep them excited.


So, as Maestro would say:

"ROCKET BOOSTERS ON! BLAST OFF!!!"


edited to add " ugh! the contractor just showed up" Luckily he has agreed to work on the coat closet in the living room.

Snow Delay

woke this morning to a beautiful blanket of white and green/brown. Galileo insisted on making a snowman, um snow lump, on the deck before school. I was excited to see snow since I am an upstate NY girl at heart and it just doesn't snow enough in Jersey for me. BUT there was a snow delay which bummed me out. No, not a school delay, a delay in construction. Rob only has a little of finishing work to do. Moulding, hanging the closet door, putting up the rod etc. BUT he has to set up his saws etc on the deck and can't do that in the snow.

I wanted to put my kitchen back together tonight and start cooking tomorrow. sigh.....

I just keep telling myself we don't have any guests coming and if all we end up with is Turkey and stuffing from a box it will be ok!

In the whole scheme of things life is ok.

Sick Baby

Little Bit has a cold but is acting much sicker than usual. His fever has risen from 100.0 to 102.6 in 90 minutes. He is lethargic and soooooo fussy. Poor little man. He also has a pimple on his cheek which has Dad a bit freaked out because of all the MRSA scares. So, I'm taking him to the pedi. I'm sure they will tell me its all nothing, but I guess its better to make sure. Its pouring rain and cold and I hated having to take him out in the rain to take his bro's to school. I guess thats the price to pay for having older brothers who adore and entertain you.

Its going to be an interesting afternoon/evening. I wanted to take a meal to a friend who is going through a rough time and now I don't even know if I will be able to feed my own family. I can't put LB down. Typing one handed and peeing with a baby in my arms seem to be what my life is reduced to today.

Such a Bad Blogger

Things are so chaotic around here that I just haven't felt centered enough to post. That probably means that is when I need to post the most!

Of course some of what I need to vent about regards a relationship with another, and I dont' really think it is fair or respectful to air that here. I'm having a hard time being cheerful and light while feeling sad and angry and yet can't post about what is going on to make me feel that way. Don't want to be a shallow blogger and so I don't blog at all.

I admire my friend Randi who can blog about her life warmly and articulately. She reveals herself and her life in a confident inspiring way even when things are going horribly for her. ANd she doesn't make anyone else or herself look bad in the process. Its an art and a gift.

Anyway! we spent a long weekend at my mothers. The last day and a half were really good. Before that I was a stress puppy, exhausted, annoyed by my brother, annoying to my mother and on eggs that my kids were going to get yelled at by one of them for just being kids. Result was that I was lunatic mom and yelled at them much more than necessary.

We did have one beautiful afternoon when I walked them up to the playground on my mom's road. It is ancient and doesn't have much equipment, but they love it. Galileo when exploring and founds some trails through a field behind the playground so we went it cxploring. We collected milkweed pods for making into Christmas ornaments, and other seed pods for one of Galileo's extra credit projects for school. I also found sumac and elderberries and some weeds that I remember from my childhood and was able to teach the boys about them. I never realized just how different the flor in NJ is from that of central NY. I wonder if that is the minor difference in climate or if it a rural vs. suburban difference.

Ah well, need to go pick up maestro from a playdate and Galileo from school. I picked up a new art project to do while at IKEA. They are similar to the recalled aquadots, but they have to be ironed to get them to melt together. I think the boys want to do this after G's homework is done.

Painting is 1/2 way there

This is just the primer, but it is the same color as the paint. Benjamin Moore "Homestead Green" Hard to get a good picture facing the slider, but it gives you an idea. We haven't redone the cabinets to the right in what used to be the Butler's Pantry yet. We will do those after the holidays.


The Brown on the floor is where the old wall came out. There was also a broom closet there. It is amazing how much this opens up the kitchen! Now I can't wait for the new floor.

The Paint matches the counters and backsplash a little more than intended. Oh well...



Maestro couldn't wait to get in on the painting action. Not sure what that expression is about. Maybe he was perturbed at me ruining his rythym?

Here is a sample of the new floor that is going in this week. Hopefully it all looks good together. I'm so bad at this decorating stuff!

Halloween Pics

No time to post because we are desperately trying to get the kitchen painted before the floor guy comes. He is coming a day earlier than planned, so the pressure is on!

BUT, I wanted to make sure I got the halloween pics up before Thanksgiving rolls around.

Feeling Spoiled and Decadent

A mom of a classmate of Matthew's just picked he and Jonathan both up to drive them to school. I drove her daughter yesterday and so she said she would drive both of mine today. She also said, "that way you can stay in your pajamas". I NEVER come downstairs without clothes on, unless I'm in search of clean jeans to immediately put on my body.

Well, I took her advice and she was right. I had to search for a robe and slipper socks since my pj's consist of an overly big tshirt. I finally found and snuggled into a big fluffy robe that mom got me last year for the hospital. It was way to warm at the time for my hormonally charged body but it was perfect for sitting on the front porch in the chilly fall morning waiting for Alyssa to arrive.

After the boys left, I got a glass of juice and then nursed Nathaniel. He actually fell asleep in my arms which never happens these days. I took him up to my bed and curled up next to him for a wonderful hour long snoozefest. He NEVER sleeps next to me, so this was really special.
I'm getting sick and have the cold sore from hell, so this sleep was precious.

Now, I'm up, showered. Matthew is home, he and Nathaniel is fed, so I think we will go visiting. Thanks to Alyssa and to all the Mom's who take care of other Mom's. I'll give some good mom Karma back tot he world soon.

Just got back from visiting. Renee gave me quiche, coffee and inspiration. I will make my home a calm oasis for my family and friends like she has!

Looky what we found

Having an old house (1927) can be challenging, but it can also be really fun. We made a bizarre discovery when pulling down the plaster ceiling in the kitchen. No treasure or anything, but just a reminder that we are not the first owners of our house.
















Its a Ipanema shoe from Brazil size 7 1/2. I'm a size 10, so its definitely not mine. Just makes me wonder about who wore it and how in the heck it got in our kitchen ceiling!

My three sons

Just had to share a pic



God I love them!

Going through withdrawal

We have been going through some construction that has made it very difficult to use my computer. It will be so worth it though. We live in a small 1920's colonial that is not great for a family in the 21rst century. Our kitchen is very small and when we added the sliding glass door to a deck, it made our eating nook very cramped. Once Little Bit is out of his high chair, we won't be able to eat in the kitchen as a family. That might be ok except that we keep the dining table folded up and pushed to the side to make room for the mini trampoline and Little Bit's pulling up toys.

Anyway, I don't have any before pics handy, but here are some during pics:

Looking in through the sliding glass door

The T in the floor used to be a wall. There used to be a small broom closet in front of the lathe beside the slider.

The beam that we had to put in because the wall we removed was load bearing.
Looking from the Bathroom. Dining room door is on the left.
Plastic covers the butler's pantry cabinets.

I'm very hopeful that this will expand the floor space of our kitchen enough that we can make do with this house for at least a few more years if not longer.

Happy Birthday Little Bit - Pictures

GRRR! Can't get the pics to post the way I want, but can't take any more time!

So much to say, but too much to do. We had a lovely day yesterday participating in a Miracle Walk for the NICU where Nathaniel spent the first weeks of his life. What a great first birthday party!

Here is my little man a year ago:

The night he was born

I think this is my first visit to him at 1-2 days old

12 days old

Doing the "car seat challenge" in order to be cleared to come home

Its like a knife in my heart to look at some of these pictures. I'm forming an essay in head about what it is like to be a NICU mom. Even when it has a happy ending like our did, the days I couldn't even touch my baby have left a scar on this mother's soul.

And here are the pictures that bring joy to this mother's heart. I can not believe this little man is the same baby.

At his "party in the park" after the walk

We had ice cream cone cupcakes. Our family's tradition is to strip baby down and give them a piece of cake on their first birthday and let them get as messy as possible. Once Little bit figured out what was going on, he really seemed to enjoy it! I think a couple of our friends were appalled at how messy we let him get. I figure I'm the mom of 3 boys, I better get used to mess!







I can't believe I didn't get a good picture of the whole family or of at least the three boys together. Oh well, I have lots of good pictures in my head.

Now, I must go empty the kitchen and the front corner of the living room. The contractor will be here to demo the kitchen wall and build us a coat closet. YAY

Glad its not a year ago

OK, I'm feeling slightly better now. so glad its not a year ago. Even with this killer cramps, I know I don't feel as bad as I did then contracting and on Magnesium and scared out of my mind for my baby. Even though I felt like crap today and Little Bit spent the day screaming (teething?) I know how lucky and blessed I am. I will post then and now birthday pictures tomorrow.

The cupcakes are baked, most of the supplies are packed up. I'm printing pictures to put on the sign. Then its off to bed.

Raging Lunatic!

I wanted to write a whole mushy entry about how glad I am it is not a year ago, how blessed I am, yada, yada, yada. That may be true, but Auntie dear decided to show up on Thursday, the wench! First time since Little Bit was born and she had to chose his birthday weekend. That is what I get for having a child night-wean so soon. I didn't get AF for at least a 2+ years with both of the older boys. GRRRR!

I went to the gyn.on Thursday. My mom missed the funeral of a good friend in order to come down and help me with child care. I'm sitting there on the table in the robe that barely covers me still unfolding the paper drape when doc walks in. She tells me I have to reschedule. GRRRR! At least she did give me a prescription for a pelvic u/s. Of course if a cyst is the issue it will likely leave town with Auntie dear.

Ah well, we are doing the miracle walk tomorrow. I have cupcakes to bake and snacks to pack up. I decided to go simple and just have fruit and cheese and crackers in the park after the walk. Dh thinks I should serve heartier fair, but oh well. I am baking cupcakes in ice cream cones and will let the kiddos decorate them. They can play on the playground, eat sugar and drink sugar (got koolaid) what could be better. Galileo has another party to go to at 2 pm.

These d*mn cramps better be gone and I better stop bleeding like the proverbial pig. If I go through a super tampon/pad combo as quickly as I have today (2 hours) I'm in big trouble!

Carol Anne

TT#2 13 things to tell the doc tomorrow

Thirteen Things To Tell the Gyn. Carol Anne Trying to remember all the weird symptoms and other information that I need to tell the doc tomorrow at my annual check. 1) constant pain on left side 2) Pelvic Pain 3) digestive upsets 4) bloating/extreme Gas 5) Latex Allergy 6) painful intercourse 7) gall bladder u/s normal 8) Low Back Pain 9) itching/burning 10) abdominal pain so bad that it hurts to snuggle with 4 year old. 11) nausea 12) Hernia repair 2/07 13) hospitalization for staph infection 3/07 Kind of a long boring (somewhat gross list). But I have waited a few weeks for this appointment and don't want to forget anything. My mom is actually driving down from central NY so that I can go to this apt without kids. DH is even worried Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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Galileo

Just posted this as a comment on another blog. A famous mom blogger who is much more articulate than me is dealing with SID in her son. Reminded me so much of my struggles with my own son that I had to post to her and offer encouragement. I'm kinda proud of my answer, so I decided to share it here.

"
Hi Tertia,

Just wanted you to know you are not alone with the SID/explosive little boy struggles. It is so challenging and really made me question myself as a mother too. BUT, by joining my son in his struggle, helping him learn coping skills, and encouraging him to do his best, I have helped him become a happy, smart, fairly well adjusted first grader. You and Adam will get there too.

Don't get me wrong, my guy is still a very sensitive and intense little boy and there are some ways that we are just not well matched (providing the structure he needs is very hard for me). Our relationship has been strained at times as I learned to deal with his challenges (a psychologist who specializes in SID helped alot as did OT). BUT I think now he knows that in addition to being his biggest critic, I am his biggest fan. I expect nothing less than his best because I know he can do it, but also know there are times when he is "out of sorts" that it is just too hard. I have learned that he needs strict limits and boundaries and he will push against them as hard as he can to "test" them. BUT he then does better when he knows they will be enforced consistently. I think because he feels so out of control, he needs to know someone is "in control". Could this be part of what adam needs?

As he has learned to use words to express himself things have also gotten much easier. He knows if he tantrums, we may just end up in a stupid power struggle, but if he can use words to tell me the problem (my sneaker is too tight, the sound of the flourescent light is annoying, etc.) then I will work with him to make him more comfortable so he can succeed. He also knows that I will not allow him to stay in a situation where he tantrums no matter how much he may want to stay.

Anyway, didn't mean to write a book, but did want you to know that Adam will not always be this challenging. If you continue to work with him, he will improve. Validate and understand his sensory issues, but don't let him use them as an excuse to be miserable. Help him learn limits, boundaries and coping skills.

I still tend to be over protective of my IVF SID baby. I still swoop in and them realize I should let him fight his own battles. there are days that I still wonder who in the world thought I was the right mother for this kid. Those days are getting less though and the silly, joyful days I dreamed of during those dark days of IF are more plentiful.

Good Luck!"

Oh, I'm in Trouble!

Was working on some stuff on the computer for the Miracle Walk on Sunday.

Turned around and saw Little Bit peering at me from over the back of the Love seat! What???!!! He is on the furniture???!!! How did that happen?


Assumed Maestro put him there. Nope. He had taken the cushions off which is what made it possible for Little BIt to get up there.



As scary as the possibility of him falling over backwards onto the floor and clunking his head, was seeing something brownish purplish peeking out of his mouth. Swept it out. Maestro informed me it was a crunchberry. OOOO ick! He was eating old cereal from under the cushions!

Of course I left him there while I took pictures. :) As I was taking them, I realized there was more in his mouth. Swept out 2 more crunchberries.

I need to go vacum the furniture!

Note to self: NO MORE SUGAR CEREAL!
NO MORE KIDS EATING IN THE LIVING ROOM!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons I love to be the Mom of Boys Carol Anne 1) Rough and tumble "litter of puppies" rough housing 2) Trains, Legos, robots etc. 3) Butterfly kisses on every part of my face 4) Being the Queen of the house 5) Brush Cuts. ie. Not having to comb long tangled hair and form braids/pigtails in the mad scramble to get out the door in the morning. Most difficult hair crisis here is "make it spiky mommy" 7) scabbed knees poking out of cut off shorts 8) never having to play barbies 9) always getting the pink power range sticker at pediatrician 10) frogs! 11) Never having to explain why I refuse to buy bratz dolls 12) Bugs, Bugs, and more Bugs 13) "Mommy, I love you! When I grow up, I'm going to marry you and only you!"

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Freaking myself out

I really wish I had way to see inside my body and know what was going on. I'm having many strange weird nebulous symptoms and can't quite figure it out. some of them are digestive, so the primary doc sent me for a gall bladder u/s last week. It was negative as I knew it would be. My pains are either on my left side, or lower in my pelvic region. In the last week, I have felt as if I were stimming for an IVF cycle. I have also wondered if I were pg. I figured it was next to impossible, but a friend is pg after 2 forms of birth control failed, so stranger things have happened. Maybe my body is just gearing up to ovulate? I really have no idea what to expect. Little Bit night weaned so much earlier than his brothers that I guess I could O at any time.

It doesn't help that September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. Every time I turn around I am reading the symptoms in some magazine or other. I have several of them. It is truly freaking me out AND making me feel like a hypochondriac both.

So, off to the OBGYN I go next week. That appointment can't come too soon!!

Stolen Moments

I have decided the strength of my marriage is going to be based on Stolen Moments. Moments that we find some way to be alone even amidst the chaos. Feel very connected and much in love with my sweetie right now and I think its because of just such moments.

Thursday was back to school night. I had hired a babysitter so we could both go and then thought duh! have her come early. Craig worked from home so he could leave ASAP instead of me anxiously awaiting his train and hoping he would make it in time to see the teachers. We just went to a local sandwich shop and sat outside eating a simple meal. It was wonderful. Peaceful.

Friday, Craig was supposed to have a "procedure" done that had to be canceled because they scheduled it with the wrong doc. He didn't want to cancel on the babysitter last minute and all ready had the time off work planned, so we skipped out and saw a movie and then went for a simple dinner. It was wonderful. Just to sit in the dark holding my hubby's hand with no one and nothing (ie.laundry/bills) yelling at me was wonderful.

Then, this AM. I was feeling lousy and decided a bath would help. Poor hubby was feeling neglected (boys were very needy both previous nights when we returned home, so there was no chance of "capping" the evening with romance). So I invited him to join me. The bathroom is the only room in the house with a lock. Baby went down for a nap and the big boys soon learned that we were having private grown up time and shouldn't open the door unless a) the house was on fire b) someone was spurting copious amounts of blood or c) there was at least one bone sticking out of someone's body where it shouldn't. We had a really lovely time despite the interruptions and my darling has been in a great mood all day.

Maybe now I can convince him we need a larger house with a master bath! ;)

Very Cool Product!

A local family has created this new stroller/bicycle. It will premiere at a bike show in Las Vegas next week. I would love to get my hands on one!

This is a little too close to home!

Long, but funny with a sweet ending. And sounds a little too much like my house, just add a screaming, overtired baby to the mix and you have my life.




Of course, I also have baby giggles and butterfly kisses and bug cities and a million other wonderful joys. I just have to remember these and forget the crying and the moaning and the whining and the fighting!

Living up to the title

Live, Love Laugh feel like that is what I have done in abundance tonight!

What a wonderful evening we have had. Amazing to me that I was so down just a few short days ago and am no so filled with contentment and joy.

We ate dinner all together on the deck. Craig worked from home, so he was able to eat with us and even help me calm the baby while I finished carrying everything out. We brought the high chair out on the deck and Nathaniel entertained us all while we ate. Who needs television when you have a baby? He loved all the attention of us laughing at him and really hammed it up. He really is a little person now. Jonathan and I shared some inside jokes, Matthew covered my face and neck with Kisses. Everyone was laughing and joking. It was wonderful. Just what I dreamed of oh so many years ago when battling infertility.

Thank you God, Goddess, world, for such a wonderful day!

Child of the Computer Age

I was such the cliche'd suburband SAHM today. Loaded up the minivan to do the drop off rounds, Daddy at the train, Galileo at elementary school and Maestro at preschool.

Anyway, at the train, the boys wanted to give Daddy a hug and a kiss, but there was no time and we didn't want them to get unbuckled in the kiss and ride zone. Craig said "blow me a kiss, I love you guys". Amidst the chorus of "I love you, Daddy"s, Galileo said "I blew you a kiss AND a hug".

As we drove away, I asked, "how do you blow a hug?" In his very nonchalant, straightforward 6 year old way, Galileo replied, "You hug your self, then you minimize it, then you blow". I couldn't stop laughing all the way up the hill.

Set me up to have a much better day!

My dream house

Just thought I would share my "dream house". Its not a mansion, but seems to have everything we need and would be especially good on the Pain full days. Hope the link works.

Only problems with it are that it is pretty far from the trains station and I don't think the jitney goes there, there aren't many kids in that neighborhood, oh and the price tag. Yeah, thats it!

Actually one of Jonathan's best friends lives on that street and I really like his mom, so that is pretty cool.

Ah well, its nice to dream.....

Doing a little better today

I managed to keep the kitchen relatively clean, order groceries to be delivered tomorrow so I wouldn't have to walk the aisles of our huge store, and fold much of the laundry that has been waiting. I also did all childcare on my own today as dh was gone until after 10pm. I know plenty of women do it on their own all the time but for me this is huge. Oh, I also made a few appointments I have needed to make for quite some time. More phone calls and appointments to make tomorrow including finding a sitter for Little Bit. Now, I must try to sleep.

Pain

This blog started many many moons ago as a way to help me pull myself up out of depression. I have been doing quite well for some time now (as long as I am medicated) so I changed the description. This weekend was quite a downer though and I felt myself sliding.

I have been in significant pain since we returned from vacation. My right foot has been really sore, but so has my ankle and knee and my left hip. I was in a car accident years ago that shattered my right leg, wrecked my right knee and broke my left pelvis. The pelvis wasn't found until a year+ after the accident. The extent of the knee damage wasn't found until after I delivered Maestro (~12 years later).

It seems all the flip flop and Crock wearing I did this summer, especially on vacation, did a number on my joints. I got new shoes and cheap arch supports hoping to improve things, but it only got worse. Another pair of sneakers and it got worse still. I went to a podiatrist on Friday hoping that some orthotics would get my feet realigned and get me back on my way to comfort and health. His xrays showed severe arthritis in my ankle - worse than I realized. He agreed that I have severe overpronation . This may be what is causing all my pain and it may be that orthotics will fix it, BUT custom made orthotics are $425 and insurance is unlikely to cover them.

I can not function like this though. I am in so much pain that I didn't do anything fun with my boys like I had hoped to do during their Rosh Hashanah break. We could have gone to the zoo or apple picking or to the beach, etc. but I was in so much pain that just taking them across the road to ride their bikes was exhausting. sigh.....

Saturday was soccer. Morning soccer in the rain with Maestro and then afternoon soccer with Galileo. I sat through most of the games and Craig parked and fetched the car so I wouldn't have to walk far, but I was still in so much pain I couldn't sleep. I finally took half of a percoset in the hopes of sleeping enough to get up and have a good day on Sunday. Wrong! I woke with a migraine from hell, and it has continued all day. So much for starting to go to church (Unitarian Universalist). So much for the block party we were invited to by a neighbor, so much for enjoying a beautiful day with my family. After snapping at my husband and being a total bear, I spent the rest of the day in bed. At least Craig accepted my sincere apology and said all the right things.

I blame most of this on that f*#@ing car accident I had 16 years ago. I know I should be grateful to be alive and grateful to have my beautiful family etc, etc, etc, but it pisses me off no end that the accident that I fought so hard to come back from is still ruling so many of my days.

I am also frustrated by my weight. I was going great guns in the spring. Lost my first 10% by my birthday, but decided WW would be too hard to do during the summer with the boys home. I vowed to maintain my weight and enjoy the summer. I did fairly well until we went on vacation. I have now gained ~10lbs in less than a month. I really don't think I am eating that much more, but I do know I have done some emotional eating. I'm also just so frustrated by this pain that keeps me from being outside and active. sigh....

Well this long ramble is getting so boring and is accomplishing nothing. Mostly it just explains why I am finding myself sliding back into depression. I find my thoughts going places that I know aren't good and the only way I can find to stop them is sleeping. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

sigh..........

Serendipity

"ser·en·dip·i·ty (srn-dp-t)

n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.

3. An instance of making such a discovery."

I have decided a believe I great deal in Serendipity. Call it coincidence. Call it being in the right place at the right time. Whatever, it seems to happen a lot in my life. The most recent brought chills. The other day, I was thinking about the fact that Little Bits birthday is coming and wondering what we should do to celebrate. A few hours later, I took the boys to buy a well earned Webkinz . The usual store we go to didn't have many choices and I was afraid Galileo would be disappointed, so we searched for another store. We went to one I have never been too in a place I rarely frequent. As we walked in, we saw a poster for the Miracle Walk for the NICU where Little Bit was born. It is on his first birthday. YAY! Now I know what to do. I 'm starting a team to walk and raise money. Then, we will have cake and ice cream with who ever can join us afterwards. We don't need anything for him, in fact the last thing we need in this tiny house is more stuff, so donation to the NICU are perfect. I'm so excited! I have been working on making my Personal Page and hope to send out emails to people tonight asking them to join us.

First Day of School Part 2

Maestro started to school in the 4 year old room. He is now going 5 mornings a week. Poor boy has definite middle child syndrome. Made such a big deal about Galileo starting school last week. We took pictures, the whole family drove him etc, etc. Today as we turned off our street I realized we hadn't taken a picture. Luckily I had a little camera in my purse. Asked Matthew if a pic at school was ok, but he wanted one at home, so we went around the block and raced out of the car. Snapped a pic and raced back. Daddy was all ready working and baby was screaming at being left in the car.

Maestro was a little nervous about going to school, but did just fine when we got there. Ran right in and began playing. Wouldn't have even acknowledged my leaving if another mommy hadn't told him "say good bye your mom".

I was a little nervous about how the somewhat grumpy ready-to-retire teacher would do with him. Maestro has been so negative, obstinate and argumentative lately. BUT he did wonderfully. At pick up, the teacher told him he was a great kid and she was glad to have him in the class. Then told me that he did great. She's probably remembering Galileo and the challenges his sensory issues brought to her classroom. They sure are different kids.