A 4 hour trip started late and took 6 hours with kids. We had to stop 6 times for various kids needs. It was a nightmare. When we got here, Mom was upset that we were so late. Then it took a couple of hours to settle the kids. Only saving grace was that the baby slept in today. So, I'm not as exhausted as I could be.
I do feel like a jerk though. Mom told me her cousin's wife died in November. I had no idea. Glen is one of my favorite people even though I don't know him very well. I guess in the craziness of life, mom just hadn't thought to tell me. I sent a Christmas card addressed to both of them. I think I even wrote "hope you are both well" in the note. ARRRGH! I wish I had known. I was so proud of myself that I wrote notes in most of the long distance cards. Now, I wish I hadn't. Oh well.
Time to go do Christmas with my family.
Happy Happy Everyone!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Some Christmas Pictures
Really concentrated on video taping for Grandma since this is the first year she wasn't with her grandsons on Christmas morning, so we didn't get many pictures, but we still got a few.
Making Gingerbread Houses on Christmas Eve
Galileo's House
Maestro's House
Posing with Tyco Terrainiac
Santa had to grab this at the last minute ;)
Little Bit Loved this Ball and has become quite a ham!
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for Looking
Before Santa's Arrival
Making Gingerbread Houses on Christmas Eve
Galileo's House
Maestro's House
Posing with Tyco Terrainiac
Santa had to grab this at the last minute ;)
Little Bit Loved this Ball and has become quite a ham!
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for Looking
Santa Did Good!
December was a bit of a roller coaster with the depression and keeping up with holiday madness. Tried really hard to do things that would make an impression/memory for my kids and let go of things that would just stress me out.
No extended family here today. Its been strange but great. Lots of peaceful time together with just us. Having ALL 5 of us together and connecting so rarely happens these days. We need to carve out time and make it happen.
Tomorrow, we leave for my mom's, 4-5 hour drive. Then, Saturday we leave there and head toward Craig's sister's in PA. I think we will drive straight there instead of coming home first and either drive partway and stay in a hotel or stay in a hotel near Amanda. Either way, its going to be a busy few days. I'm glad we had this peace and respite amid all the chaos.
Now, I must pack and tidy up some. We would love to shock my mother by actually getting there before dark.
Merry Christmas All
Anyway, the kids are happily playing TOGETHER with the Playmobile Castle that Maestro got. I really wanted to encourage pretend play and this seems to be doing it. Apparently M's knight is named Tom and Tom's horse is named Tim. LOL! We made them break to sing Happy Birthday to baby Jesus and to eat cupcakes. I really wasn't sure that even the promise of a sugar high was going to tear them away. (Knowing they would each be blowing out their own candle did it the little pyros!) Now, they are right back at it-crashing through walls, making horses talk and negotiating with eachother. Daddy and I are ready to collapse, but they are still going strong.
No extended family here today. Its been strange but great. Lots of peaceful time together with just us. Having ALL 5 of us together and connecting so rarely happens these days. We need to carve out time and make it happen.
Tomorrow, we leave for my mom's, 4-5 hour drive. Then, Saturday we leave there and head toward Craig's sister's in PA. I think we will drive straight there instead of coming home first and either drive partway and stay in a hotel or stay in a hotel near Amanda. Either way, its going to be a busy few days. I'm glad we had this peace and respite amid all the chaos.
Now, I must pack and tidy up some. We would love to shock my mother by actually getting there before dark.
Merry Christmas All
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
My Little Dare Devil
I'm so in trouble. Little Bit has learned the joy of balancing and climbing.
A couple of weeks ago. Standing on the "SIT and spin" with no hands.
Today
Reaching for the timer daddy used to plug in christmas lights partly to keep them out of reach!
And this big brother is why your art supplies must go back in your desk in the sun room when you are done with them.
Getting ready to climb down. At least he mostly knows to go backwards.
So, if I'm not blogging much, you know it may be because I'm chasing my monkey.
A couple of weeks ago. Standing on the "SIT and spin" with no hands.
Today
Reaching for the timer daddy used to plug in christmas lights partly to keep them out of reach!
And this big brother is why your art supplies must go back in your desk in the sun room when you are done with them.
Getting ready to climb down. At least he mostly knows to go backwards.
So, if I'm not blogging much, you know it may be because I'm chasing my monkey.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Wednesday Accomplishments
Walked Galileo to school (its not far, but I usually drive, drop him off, and then take the little boys on to the babysitter and Maestro's school. Since Little Bit didn't have babysitter today, I decided we should walk. Then we walked home, loaded up the little boys and headed to M's school).
Went to the grocery store to picked up the ingredients to make dairy free muffins for M's school tomorrow since I'm helper. Also got baby food and some things for tomorrows dinner. Yay me!
Cleaned the kitchen including scrubbing all the Thanksgiving mess of the stove. (I didn't do much in there last night, so it was a MESS)
Went through the boxes and bins of boots etc in the old coat closet in preparation for moving the brooms etc in there. One more box to go!
Picked up, straightened and swept living room/entry.
Brought a friend home from preschool with Maestro to help out his mom whose babysitter canceled last minute. He was here until right when it was time to get Galileo
Let Galileo play with his best friend on the playground despite the snow and cold. Even the crossing guard thought we were nuts!
Hey, I'm doing pretty well today. Need to go put the stove back together and get dinner in the stove.
I did up my meds for a few days to try to help kick start me back in to a good place. Just being able to put order in the house will help me maintain better.
Sorry to any readers that this is such a boring listing. Since I think I don't have many readers, I figured I using it in this way helps me, so I'm going to do it. Next time I feel like a failure, I can look over today's list.
Went to the grocery store to picked up the ingredients to make dairy free muffins for M's school tomorrow since I'm helper. Also got baby food and some things for tomorrows dinner. Yay me!
Cleaned the kitchen including scrubbing all the Thanksgiving mess of the stove. (I didn't do much in there last night, so it was a MESS)
Went through the boxes and bins of boots etc in the old coat closet in preparation for moving the brooms etc in there. One more box to go!
Picked up, straightened and swept living room/entry.
Brought a friend home from preschool with Maestro to help out his mom whose babysitter canceled last minute. He was here until right when it was time to get Galileo
Let Galileo play with his best friend on the playground despite the snow and cold. Even the crossing guard thought we were nuts!
Hey, I'm doing pretty well today. Need to go put the stove back together and get dinner in the stove.
I did up my meds for a few days to try to help kick start me back in to a good place. Just being able to put order in the house will help me maintain better.
Sorry to any readers that this is such a boring listing. Since I think I don't have many readers, I figured I using it in this way helps me, so I'm going to do it. Next time I feel like a failure, I can look over today's list.
Tuesday's Accomplishments
Made the bed
Baked Cookies with Maestro
Went to my annual gyn exam even though my child care fell through and I had to take both Little Boys with me.
I think there were more, but I can't remember. I really need to blog on the day things happen. I know I was writing an entry in my head all day, but now I can't remember.
Baked Cookies with Maestro
Went to my annual gyn exam even though my child care fell through and I had to take both Little Boys with me.
I think there were more, but I can't remember. I really need to blog on the day things happen. I know I was writing an entry in my head all day, but now I can't remember.
Monday, December 03, 2007
I'm Struggling
This blog started a few years ago as a way for me to cope with my life long depression. I was doing well and stopped blogging. When I got back to blogging, I changed my opening blurb because I really was not dealing with depression anymore. I take my medicine every day (mostly, I do forget here and there) and just get on with my life. I was especially proud that I wasn't hit with PPD after Little Bit was born almost 8 weeks early. If there was ever a time that could trigger an episode, that was it. (I did have a pretty severe episode when I went off my meds in the first trimester with Little Bit. I knew when the shrink suggested it that it was a bad idea, but I tried it)
Anyway, I did really well this fall until the time change. It came later this year and I think that is part of what threw me off. I did so well through all of October, that I wasn't expecting the crash. The time change coupled with many days of cloudy, rainy weather really threw me for a loop. Luckily, I realized what was happening and got to the shrink. He suggested a light box. I had asked about one in past seasons and he said it was too late. This year he said if I got one right away, it could work.
That was a month ago. It took me awhile to decide on one and then they had issues with my credit card. If all goes well it should arrive today. It takes up to a week to work. Biggest issue is going to be hauling my butt out of bed in time to use it every day.
In the meantime, I have been trying to cut myself a break and to make small steps to make myself feel better. Luckily, Craig and I are doing better. (I wrote about a relationship that was upsetting me a few weeks ago. My marriage was in something of a crisis, but we seemed to have gotten through it).
We are treating this episode as if I have a chronic physical illness like RA or MS and this is a flare. Actually, I know my depression is physical. It is a definite chemical imbalance in my brain that I will battle the rest of my life, but it is hard to remember that sometimes. I feel so pathetic. I'm not dealing with death or serious illness in my family, money is tight, but I have no problems feeding, clothing, sheltering my kids etc. So what do I have to be depressed about? I know women dealing with those issues and they are doing just fine and holding it all together. Then I remind myself that I would be fine to if my serotonin levels were ok. And I will be fine again.
I'm also trying to take baby steps toward helping myself. Part of my problem is the chaos in our house. It brings me down and makes me feel even more overwhelmed. It was started by the construction and excacerbated by changing seasonal clothes, getting out holiday stuff etc. BUT, I CAN make progress. I am trying to find one good thing I have accomplished every day to feel good about. Even if a million things remain undone at least I did ONE thing. I may start listing those things in my blog every day as a reminder. Sort of an online cognitive therapy excercise.
Friday: I made a costco run with both younger boys. not a big deal on a normal day, but hard to do when you feel like you are moving through thick thick molasses and your patience is thin as a dime. Also let the boys play for a long time at the playground after school despite the freezing cold.
Saturday: 1) I volunteered at the school book fair and had a really good time. Galileo came with me and was so well behaved and so helpful at the end packing up and breaking down displays. I was so proud of him. 2) I managed to keep the baby alive despite a horrible brain crushing migraine so that Craig could get the Christmas lights up.
Sunday: 1) taught the boys how to make paper snowflakes and helped JD make online snowflakes. At this site. 2) Took the baby up for a bath and bathed he and Maestro while Craig and Galileo finished dinenr. Again, something I take for granted on a normal day, but it took all my will power last night. 3) Folded and put away hamper after hamper of laundry. Only got about half way done, but its a start. Also cleaned out the too small clothes from the baby's dresser.
Today: Cleaned the kitchen including sweeping the floor. Hope to get it mopped soon. Went through the boys Christmas gifts with Craig to make sure I had it even. May get one or two more things and need stocking stuffers. Took baby to doctor for his cold - no big deal, but took time energy from other things
Today's Remaining Goals: Mop the kitchen floor, buy groceries either online or in person, make baked beans for dinner to have with the bagel dogs Maestro has been begging me to make. I know, not so healthy, but at least its not McDonald's. I have a lot more I would like to get done, but I think this is enough for now.
Anyway, I did really well this fall until the time change. It came later this year and I think that is part of what threw me off. I did so well through all of October, that I wasn't expecting the crash. The time change coupled with many days of cloudy, rainy weather really threw me for a loop. Luckily, I realized what was happening and got to the shrink. He suggested a light box. I had asked about one in past seasons and he said it was too late. This year he said if I got one right away, it could work.
That was a month ago. It took me awhile to decide on one and then they had issues with my credit card. If all goes well it should arrive today. It takes up to a week to work. Biggest issue is going to be hauling my butt out of bed in time to use it every day.
In the meantime, I have been trying to cut myself a break and to make small steps to make myself feel better. Luckily, Craig and I are doing better. (I wrote about a relationship that was upsetting me a few weeks ago. My marriage was in something of a crisis, but we seemed to have gotten through it).
We are treating this episode as if I have a chronic physical illness like RA or MS and this is a flare. Actually, I know my depression is physical. It is a definite chemical imbalance in my brain that I will battle the rest of my life, but it is hard to remember that sometimes. I feel so pathetic. I'm not dealing with death or serious illness in my family, money is tight, but I have no problems feeding, clothing, sheltering my kids etc. So what do I have to be depressed about? I know women dealing with those issues and they are doing just fine and holding it all together. Then I remind myself that I would be fine to if my serotonin levels were ok. And I will be fine again.
I'm also trying to take baby steps toward helping myself. Part of my problem is the chaos in our house. It brings me down and makes me feel even more overwhelmed. It was started by the construction and excacerbated by changing seasonal clothes, getting out holiday stuff etc. BUT, I CAN make progress. I am trying to find one good thing I have accomplished every day to feel good about. Even if a million things remain undone at least I did ONE thing. I may start listing those things in my blog every day as a reminder. Sort of an online cognitive therapy excercise.
Friday: I made a costco run with both younger boys. not a big deal on a normal day, but hard to do when you feel like you are moving through thick thick molasses and your patience is thin as a dime. Also let the boys play for a long time at the playground after school despite the freezing cold.
Saturday: 1) I volunteered at the school book fair and had a really good time. Galileo came with me and was so well behaved and so helpful at the end packing up and breaking down displays. I was so proud of him. 2) I managed to keep the baby alive despite a horrible brain crushing migraine so that Craig could get the Christmas lights up.
Sunday: 1) taught the boys how to make paper snowflakes and helped JD make online snowflakes. At this site. 2) Took the baby up for a bath and bathed he and Maestro while Craig and Galileo finished dinenr. Again, something I take for granted on a normal day, but it took all my will power last night. 3) Folded and put away hamper after hamper of laundry. Only got about half way done, but its a start. Also cleaned out the too small clothes from the baby's dresser.
Today: Cleaned the kitchen including sweeping the floor. Hope to get it mopped soon. Went through the boys Christmas gifts with Craig to make sure I had it even. May get one or two more things and need stocking stuffers. Took baby to doctor for his cold - no big deal, but took time energy from other things
Today's Remaining Goals: Mop the kitchen floor, buy groceries either online or in person, make baked beans for dinner to have with the bagel dogs Maestro has been begging me to make. I know, not so healthy, but at least its not McDonald's. I have a lot more I would like to get done, but I think this is enough for now.
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