First Day on Weight Watchers

What a day.....sigh.....

Kids woke up fairly early, but luckily dh was able to occupy them and get their breakfast. I bathed the dog and did what brushing she would allow and hopped in the shower myself.
We had a little goodbye*** love session and I headed downstairs.

I got downstairs to find out that our basement toilet had exploded sewage and yucky water. We called a plumber, but had a hard time connecting since we were driving down to meet Cheyenne's potential new owner. Dh was freaking about the clean up etc. I told him I would go alone, but he said no, we'll all go. Jonathan was sad, but took it well. Matthew was clueless, just kept chasing her around the parking lot trying to feed her cookies she didn't want just like he does at home.

The woman seemed nice and seemed knowledgeable about submissive dogs. I hope it works out, but offered to foster the dog again if it doesn't and gave the woman my email in case she needs any insight into Cheyenne's behavior. It was so sad. Cheyenne wouldn't take her eyes off me the whole time and her eyes followed us all the way out of the parking lot. I broke down a couple of times, but had to hold it together for the kids.

Get home and want to just be alone to wallow, but can't because we have to deal with the sewage problem. The plumber ended up not being able to make it today, but didn't let us know in time to get someone else. Dh has insisted on starting the clean up, even though I keep telling him there are companies for this and to leave it alone. He is sure they can't get through all the junk down there and is clearing it out. Now I found out we should have left is so the insurance adjuster could see just how bad it was. He has to go in to the city to work tomorrow and then goes out of town tues and weds, so I will have to deal with this all myself. I can do it, it will just be challenging.

I wanted him to clear out all signs of the dog, put her crate etc away, but now I will need to do it tomorrow. He was at his breaking point today, so i can't ask him to do anything else.

ok, sorry this got so long. Guess I should have blogged it.
If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

I hope poor Cheyenne is doing ok.

***Realize I hadn't written before about needing to find Cheyenne a new home. She was not a good dog for us. Submissive pee'er and afraid of men. Aggressive towards and then afraid of the kids. Had many accidents in the house even after she had seemed to adjust to us. this and the fact that she pee'd if he even looked at her made hubby crazy. After his San Diego trip, she really had a hard time readjusting to him being home. Also with Jonathan's and my allergies and my asthma, the doc really encouraged us to get rid of all pets. It broke my heart. I firmly believe that if you adopt an animal you are making a life commitment. She really wasn't happy here though. She would have been a perfect dog for me in my 20s, but just wasn't a family dog. The woman who took here is single and lives alone which I think is the perfect set up for Cheyenne. I sure hope so.

Hubby returned from San Diego on the red eye. He got in early, early, early Saturday AM. Mom left around 1pm. I'm so relieved she was here. She is not able to help as much as she used to when JD was a baby, but it was still so great to have her here! JD wouldn't let me do his nose spray, but Grandma could do it just fine. She also read to him most nights while I nursed Matthew down. Dinners were low key, but at least she was here to help clean up.

I was able to get the taxes done, go to my dr. apt., get the deck permit, get the blanket done for sue's baby etc. None of which would have happened if she hadn't been here. It was hard in some ways though. She is not able to go like she used to and gets tired much easier than I am used to. She gets nervous being out in the yard with the kids and gets cold easily. BUT she is still independent and able to come for visits. It was nice having another adult to talk to and plan with. I just see her aging and it makes me sad.

I'm trying to reach out to others more again. I'm realizing that all these friendships/playdates/playgroups have started up at JD's preschool that we are not a part of. I think my depression this past winter is to blame at least in part. I have just not made as much of an effort as I should have. I also need to make more of an effort to get Matthew friends his own age. I tried last week. I asked the mom of one of JD's classmates if we could get our younger boys together while the older ones are in school. She said no. She is too busy. Friday is the one morning they don't have an activity and she wants to use it to clean. She all ready has her son in a play group. I admit I was a little hurt. I guess I should appreciate her honesty, but it still bummed me out.

I'm just going to find the courage to keep trying with others. We were invited to join a Monday play group, but it meets the same time as Matthew's music class. He loves music and begs to go, so I guess it is a non starter.

Now, its off to get M. some lunch. Hubby is working from home, so maybe I can nap with him and Hubby can pick JD up from school.

Great Day and Good Weekend too

Wow, what a creative title. But, if I am going to record the memories of my boys' lives I can't get hung up on a fancy title or I will never write anything.

Galileo's nursery school had a benefit fundraising concert by a local kids' musician Big Jeff. I was exhausted. Up way too late making posters that I had wanted hubby to make last weekend. Also just not feeling well. Not sure if it was asthma, allergies or a cold, but just generally lousy feeling! BUT, I helped decorate the gym on Friday afternoon while keeping my 2 monsters out of trouble and then got there to do what I needed to do Saturday. All the kids and most of the adults seemed to have a great time. Big Jeff did a great job for just one guy, a guitar and a room full of kids. Best of all, we made some good money for the school. Its the first time a fundraiser like this has been done by this school. We did it fairly low key and did great! Sold 130 tix presale and almost 30 at the door. Plus made good money on the snack bar. woo hoo!!

It was a little hard on Galileo. 2 of his friends have gotten very attached to eachother and kept excluding him. One of them is a classmate that he has always had issues with off and on. The other was a classmate last year who he still plays with because his mom and I are friends. It was sad watching Galileo desperate to play with the other kids and not knowing how to help him. I suggested he go sit with another boy. He did and they had fun, but then got too rough in their dancing/playing and the other mother intervened. I probably let it go on too long, but I was thrilled to see him being so physical. Last year, having someone touch him or even wave their hand in his face made him crazy.

Afterwards, we went to an early dinner at a Mexican place that I have never tried. It was great and the boys were so well behaved. We parked right by a shoe store so we got the boys new shoes and got me a pair of sandals. I got a pair of sandals that I now hope I can return. I wore them out of the store though, so I may not be able to.

Today we got a late start, but had an excellent day. Mom is here to help out while hubby is away. I couldn't convince her to go to San Diego with us (hubby is there for a conference) so I told her we would have fun if she came here. It was a gorgeous day. 74 degrees and sunny. I was determined that we have a good outside day because it is going down to the 50's for the rest of the week. Fine temps for the boys and I, but mom will be cold outside. First, though, I knew I had to have new shoes. I have had so much foot, ankle, knee and back pain that I can barely function. No way I could do any of the day trips we want to do. So, we went to the Walking Company in the fancy schmancy mall that I never go to. Many women shop there in their furs and heels. Its just not me. The shoe store was across Versace for god's sake. Anyway, it was heaven. The woman really knew what she was doing as far as fitting and finding the right shoe for people. I came away with 3 Pairs! hubby is going to have a fit at the cost, but it was so worth it!

Galileo was hungry, so we stopped at a taco place in the mall and then ate in the car. Then, we headed up to Fosterfields Historical Farm in Morristown. We got there late so most of the demonstrations were over, but the kids did get to help gather eggs in the chicken coop. Well, I got Maestro's egg, but he came in with me and got to touch it. It was fun! We also got birthday cake in the farmhouse (it was the birthday of the woman who was one of the original owners of the farm), got to milk a pretend cow, see sheep, baby pigs, the mama pig etc. Maestro just loved running across the grass. Mom enjoyed it because it was the same era as the farm she grew up on. Most of the women volunteers were dressed the way her mother used to dress. It was very fun and low key. After the farm we drove by the "castle playground" to see if it was reopened yet. It was, so we stopped and let the kids play. They had a ball. They were cooperative at dinner and at bedtime (for the most part) even if it did take them FOREVER to fall asleep.

Maestro has said and done so many funny things this weekend and of course now I can't remember what. Galileo was quite a pistol yesterday and this AM, but he did great once we left the house. He was so patient at the shoe store while mom and I tried on and bought shoes. I wish I knew what caused the change so I could replicate it all the time. I wonder if part of it was grandma being on him as much as me. She has a hard time holding her tongue instead of correcting his behavior. I have told her she is Grandma. She just needs to spoil them and leave the correction/disciplining to me. She just doesn't seem to be able to do it though. She has calmed down some though today, so maybe it helped.

OK, need to write up my to do list for tomorrow. Then, fold some laundry and get some sleep. tomorrow I have to get a permit for the deck, figure out how to get an extension from the IRS and state, take M. to music, go to the allergist for my asthma (and admit to her I lost the instructions on how to take the prednisone), make an apt with the psychiatrist, and clean the house. I'm sure there's a few more things I forgot.

phew! can't decide if I'm tired or too jazzed up to sleep.

Tomorrow will be low key as far as outings. Galileo is in school until 1 and then I have my allergy apt at 2. Also need to go to grocery store and hope to get waxed while mom is here. Tuesday, we hope to do a day trip of some sort. Probably the natural history museum or the Aquarium. Better get to sleep or to work!

Well, my goodness, I'm not good at keeping up am I. Now its been so long, I don't know where to start.

Maestro is doing fine with the cut lip, I don't think its even going to leave a scar. I'm just bummed I missed the play date with the others.

Galileo is doing very well. I got him to an allergies before the season really hit, and I hope we have him well medicated enough that he will be able to play outside this year and not be miserable. We have spent mucho bucks on dust mite control (mattress and pillow covers) and air cleaners for the bedrooms. Hopefully they will all make a difference. At the first apt., she didn't say anything about getting rid of our animals. At the next apt., she was more sure that they are part of the problem and probably should go.

Poor guy had skin testing at that apt. He was a real trooper. I was terrified. A sensory sensitive, tactile defensive kids getting allergy tests. Part of why I didn't push when the pedi told me he was too young for an allergist. He sat on the exam table telling the doc "I'm going to do a good job!". He repeated it several times. I was very encouraging, while thinking "poor kid, you don't know whets coming". Over all, he did well. He screamed bloody murder, but he let her do the first arm without fighting. He didn't want to give her the second arm, but he did. I squeezed him really tight and he held on to me like the world was coming to an end, but he got through it. He barely even complained about the itching and he had a few huge welts. As I knew, he is allergic to tree pollen.

When the doc came back in the room, he completely turned his back on her. It was funny and a little sad. She came back to talk to me. I had asked to be seen too because my allergies have been acting up and were awful that day. I expected to get a new prescription and to promise to come back for testing after the worst of the season was over. I got 3 new prescriptions and a diagnosis of asthma. I had to get a peak flow meter to test my breathing 2x/day and was asked what I would do if the pets were a huge part of my problem. Sigh......

We went to a kids crafts meeting with the new mom's group I joined. It was great. I really liked the moms and Galileo got along great with the other boys who were there. No tantrums the whole time even though it was late afternoon on a friday and he was tired.

other cool news. We got a tent camper from freecycle. A minister in a nearby town was giving away a tent camper to the first person who could haul it away. Luckily hubby was working from home that day so we were able to go look at it. We had a hitch, but needed the ball joint to fit in it so we drove all over loooking for an auto parts store that had one. We finally found one and hubby made it back to pick up the camper. He and the man had a nice conversation since hubby is a PK (preacher's kid). Hubby is very excited. We both want to go camping with the kids, but were afraid of Maestro escaping the tent, this has a door we should be able to latch and hopefully is substantial enough that Galileo will feel safe. Its very old, but has almost new canvas. There are a couple of holes, but hubby is hopeful we can patch them. I hope we can get it cleaned up and that it is road worthy. Maybe in a month or so we can take it somewhere near by to try it out.

If it does work well, we plan to go to Raquette Lake this summer. This is one of my all time favorite places, but the cabins we wanted to stay in were all booked. I doubt we will get hubby's parents or my mom to come up and camp, but maybe my brother would join us for a couple of nights.

Ok, its late. Tomorrow is a busy day. Maestro and I are checking out a new playgroup and I need to go to the grocery store. I host book group tomorrow night and don't have any snacks.

I can tell from this post that my depression is mostly being held at bay. May that continue!

Live, Love, Laugh

Phew What a Day and its only 10 AM
DS 4 years old has SID. I haven't posted alot lately because he has been improving sooo much. Well, today was a nightmare. And I sit here chewing my nails until I can go pick him up at school to see if his day turned around.

First, he came into my bed in the middle of the night. I didn't even realize it because I was up really late with allergies and the benadryl knocked me out. Somehow, he opened his sippy cup of water in his sleep and woke up screaming because his shirt was wet. I realized then we had overslept and suggested he just get dressed for school. Nope, he needed another pajama shirt. He was very tired and lethargic and I considered keeping him home, but he wanted to go and I knew he would tantrum later if I didn't take him.

Getting ready, he refused to wear the "tighty whities" I recently bought for him. He needs underwear with pictures. I even tried to bribe him to put them on. No go. Everything from then on was a fight. We finally found acceptable underwear, got him dressed and got him to school. But then he didn't want to stay. The parent helper that day was actually a classmates grandmother who doesn't speak English. She tried to take him by the arm and lead him to somewhere to play, but he had a fit. Probably, didn't help to be touched by someone he barely knows. Since he was already having a difficult day sensorily, this just set him off more. I tried everything. I was going to just bring him home when he gave the impression he might want to stay. Finally, his teacher just came out to the hall and picked him up kicking and screaming. She is not a very warm, fuzzy person-at least not with parents, so I felt really awkward and awful that he was tantruming in her arms. He really is too big to be behaving like that anymore. I got out of there as quickly as I could and just hope that it turned around.

I know it could be so much worse, but somedays I wonder why my poor sweet boy has to be plagued with such hassles.

Mommy Milestone

Well, I hit a mommy milestone yesterday. I had to rush my own child to the ER. I've been rushed to the ER, I've watched others children while they rushed the injured one to the ER, but I've never had to take my child.

It turned out to be much ado about nothing, but Maestro was running through the house, he fell, and cut underneath his lip. Actually, his teeth went all the way through from the inside to the outside. It bled so badly that at first I couldn't even tell where he was cut. We had plans to meet friends at Fun Time Junction (a great indoor play space) so I hoped we could stop the bleeding and get there. Maestro was very good about letting me ice it and eventually the bleeding stopped. Then as I tried to clean him up, I realized the cut went all the way through. It was so gross. I didn't even call the doc, I just called the friend we were supposed to meet and headed to the ER.

I was so proud of Galileo. He really took it all in stride and was trying to cheer Maestro up by singing to him. Luckily, I have a friend who lives right across from the hospital so she came and got Galileo and took him home to play with her son. Keeping them both under control for 3 hours in the ER would have been a nightmare!

Anyway, as it turns out, it didn't need stitches and they just sent me home with antibiotic ointment and instructions to see our pedi this AM. I took Galileo in and Dr. C. said all is fine. She said I probably didn't even need to come in, but she had talked to the ER doc and he really wanted her to see him. The reassuring thing was that she said that if I had called she would have told me to take him to the ER for stitches. So, at least I know I didn't over react.

I was very disappointed to miss Fun Time Junction. I think since he got a playdate with someone else that Galileo was fine with missing it. This is a woman I really want to get to know better and I know Galileo really considers her son a friend. Oh well, another time.

Now, off to clean. Nothing got done yesterday and I'm hosting Maestro's playgroup on Friday.

Live, Love, Laugh

Had a good day today. Princess is out of the hospital and doing fine. No other seizure although the EEG does have them consider that she may be at risk for further seizures or may end up having a seizure disorder. They sent her home with no meds and told her parents just to keep a close eye on her. They have always been a little more protective than most. I bet this will make them even more protective, understandably so. It may never happen again which is what we are all hoping for.

I finally got a bunch of junk to the resale store that has been sitting by my front door for weeks. She was pretty picky about what she would take, but that's ok. I still got $25 out of the deal. I took it in store credit because she has a double jogging stoller I want. She is holding the stroller because it is missing a piece, and she is waiting for the company to sent it to her. That works for me. Gives me more time to scour the attic and the basement for more things to take in for more credit.

I got to nap today because hubby was working from home. He takes Galileo downstairs with him while I nap with Maestro. It was awesome. I have more energy now than I have had in weeks! I'm trying to get some cleaning/organizing done, but have to get to sleep soon.

Another great thing! We don't have to rush around in the morning tomorrow. Galileo doesn't have OT. His OT has gone down to every other week!!! Woooo Hooooo!!! He is doing so well. I'm so hopeful we caught his SID in time to rewire him and give him a chance to reach his full potential. I just hope it hasn't warped his personality permanently. He is so anxious so much of the time. Its understandable in the context of the SID, but I hope we can help him get past it.

The rest of the day is busy. I take Galileo and his friend Bot (babyhood nickname robot) to a sports skill class every Thursday afternoon. Then, Bot comes back to our house to play until dinner time. Tomorrow, I am then taking dinner over with us when I take Bot home. We will eat dinner over there with them. His mother just had baby number 6. She is very self sufficient and won't ask for help, but this is one way I can help her without her getting to weirded out.

OK, hubby has come up for bed. Guess I should go connect with him and show him just how much I appreciated that nap. ;)

No News and a long boring blather.

Talked to princess' mom a few times today. The last I heard around at 4:30, they were still waiting to talk to the neurologist. Their pedi said nothing stood out on the MRI, but the neurologist still has to read it. She also overheard a resident and a nurse talking and expects that they will have to stay in the hospital for another night. Considering that it is 8pm and I haven't heard anything, I am assuming they are staying over.

A woman at book group last night said that a good friend of hers had a child go through this. The girl had a seizure one day, had all the tests done, they all came back normal and it never happened again. I told my friend and I think it bouyed her spirits. I just wish there was something more I coudl do. If I had known they would be in more than one day, I might have tried to deliver a new toy and some yummy food.

As for me, I'm doing pretty well. Starting to get the house back under control. Between physical illness and depression this winter, the house is a wreck! I made a rule with J. that we have to put what we are playing with away before we get something else out. I was pretty strict about it and it worked pretty well. It would have worked much better if destructo boy wasn't coming along behind us pulling everything back out again. I swear in someways, M, makes J's toddlerhood look like a walk in the park. J was challenging in his own way because of the SID, but oh my I don't remember him being as typically toddler two as M is. And M is only 20 months! Heaven help me this summer!

I did manage to feel like a decent mother today. I gave the electronic babysitter the morning off and most of the afternoon. The boys played in their bean box, played playdough, read lots of stories etc. More stimulation than they have been getting recently. Sad but true! We were supposed to go grocery shopping, but it was snowing like crazy. I have to get a TON of stuff, so I want to go to Wegman's which is about 30 minutes south on the Garden State Parkway. That way J. could have fun in the child care room which he enjoys a lot and I could shop with only one child. Shopping with 2 kids is 3 times harder somehow. I decided not to go because they were predicting sleet and freezing rain along with the snow. I was in a horrible car accident in '91 during a winter storm. I nearly died several times, and I don't see a need to live through that again. Its funny, I lived in upstate NY at the time of the accident and I made myself drive in snow all the time the next year. It was like I had to get right back on the horse. I had several flash backs and was a nervous wreck, but I did it. I often didn't have a choice because of work etc. It snowed enough there that I couldn't take a sick day every time the weather was a little bad. Here in Jersey though, the snow just isn't as bad. It doesn't snow as often and when it does snow, it melts fairly soon after the storm. It is reasonable (as a SAHM) to just not go out in it. We made due today with no milk, no fruit, little bread, etc etc. I was proud of my boys, they dealt with the new rations very well. Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be fine, so we'll head to the store then. Plus, da hubby is working from home tomorrow, so he can help me unload the car. An added plus!

Well, I guess I have blathered on long enough. My day was very productive and I wasn't bored at all. In fact, I was quite content, but this is certainly becoming a long boring entry.

A close friend just called me. Her daughter (aka princess) 2 1/2 years old had a seizure this AM. She called them from her crib. When her dad went to get her, princess' arm was all contorted. As he was changing her diaper, she became completely unresponsive. When he carried princess to the living room to my friend, princess' head was contorted in a strange position. She was unresponsive for what seemed like eternity. They called 911 and an ambulance took her to the hospital. She is still in the ER waiting for an MRI. The doctors can't tell them why she had a seizure. First they suggested it was febrile, but princess hasn't been sick and didn't have a fever when it happened. It is all very scary and is making Galileo's constant trantruming today seem like a blessing.

I so wish there was something I could do.

to medicate or not to medicate? thats the question

I seem to be doing better. Got to get back to the doc to discuss my options though. May be just lowering my zoloft dose a litte.

I'm really kind of battling with myself over the whole med thing. I know I need it to be a rational, functional, non suicidal person and yet, in some ways I have liked this week when I haven't been on it. I feel more energized, more alive and more passionate abouteverything. But like dh says, its like living on a knife edge and one never knows what will send me careening down the other side. I don't want to live numb. I just want to live!

Depression SUX

I wrote this on a bullentin board that a cyber friend started for women living with PPD. I should have blogged it, so I am including it now. It was written last night at 11pm or so.

I'm sorry, this is likely to be a long venting downer post. Please feel free to skip it. I just need to get this out. Its soooooo frustrating to battle depression. The medicines are a life saver, but they also shut down a huge peice of me. That shut down affects me and my marriage and thus my dh.

I forgot to take my meds while at my moms. I decided to wait a couple more days before starting on it figuring dh and I might be able to "enjoy eachother" for once. (between illnesses, yeast infection and my lack of desire, we haven't had sex in much too long!)) Anyway, I figured I was doing ok, so dh deserved a real marriage. The fates worked against us. One night the boys tagged teamed being awake off and on all night. The next night, dh worked all night long. The next night he passed out long before JD was asleep so no go.

Tonight I lost my temper because there was no bread when I wanted to make a sandwich. I know I was irrational and it was due to lack of meds. BUT it wasn't that bad. Dh however was really "scared" by it. I cursed and stomped upstairs - not super mature I admit, but nothing to be afraid of. Anyway after that he was acting all weird around me, so no fun tonight either. grrrr.

I have to get back on the meds tomorrow AM first thing. I know it will take some time to build back up. But its time. I really screamed at JD a couple of times today. Now, granted, he was being really annoying and not paying any attention to me until I screamed, but it still wasn't an acceptable way to deal with a 4 year old. After tonight, I know losing it with JD was probably lackof meds also.

SO, be rational mostly functional and usually patient mom, or have a sex life with my dh. Why should i have to make these choices? It stinks.

Ok, whine fest is over. I should blog this, but dh and a good friend now know my blog address and I'm not sure I want them reading it. grrrrr

How to begin?

I'm new to this whole blogging thing. Not sure how much background I should put in and how much I should just jump right in and blather.

Yep, this will likely be a lot of blather. I would love it to be hysterically funny like some of the blogs I read, but not sure I'll manage it. we'll see.

Hmmmm, what to say. I have 2 young boys.-preschool and toddler. One has sensory integrations disorder, but this is improving greatly with OT.

My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. We hope for one more child some day, but aren't sure exactly when we will feel up to handling another one! lol.

I have a family history of depression and have battled depression my whole life. I titled this "live, love, laugh" to remind me that these are my main goals in life.

I will blather more later when the kids are sleeping.