Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons I love to be the Mom of Boys Carol Anne 1) Rough and tumble "litter of puppies" rough housing 2) Trains, Legos, robots etc. 3) Butterfly kisses on every part of my face 4) Being the Queen of the house 5) Brush Cuts. ie. Not having to comb long tangled hair and form braids/pigtails in the mad scramble to get out the door in the morning. Most difficult hair crisis here is "make it spiky mommy" 7) scabbed knees poking out of cut off shorts 8) never having to play barbies 9) always getting the pink power range sticker at pediatrician 10) frogs! 11) Never having to explain why I refuse to buy bratz dolls 12) Bugs, Bugs, and more Bugs 13) "Mommy, I love you! When I grow up, I'm going to marry you and only you!"

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Freaking myself out

I really wish I had way to see inside my body and know what was going on. I'm having many strange weird nebulous symptoms and can't quite figure it out. some of them are digestive, so the primary doc sent me for a gall bladder u/s last week. It was negative as I knew it would be. My pains are either on my left side, or lower in my pelvic region. In the last week, I have felt as if I were stimming for an IVF cycle. I have also wondered if I were pg. I figured it was next to impossible, but a friend is pg after 2 forms of birth control failed, so stranger things have happened. Maybe my body is just gearing up to ovulate? I really have no idea what to expect. Little Bit night weaned so much earlier than his brothers that I guess I could O at any time.

It doesn't help that September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. Every time I turn around I am reading the symptoms in some magazine or other. I have several of them. It is truly freaking me out AND making me feel like a hypochondriac both.

So, off to the OBGYN I go next week. That appointment can't come too soon!!

Stolen Moments

I have decided the strength of my marriage is going to be based on Stolen Moments. Moments that we find some way to be alone even amidst the chaos. Feel very connected and much in love with my sweetie right now and I think its because of just such moments.

Thursday was back to school night. I had hired a babysitter so we could both go and then thought duh! have her come early. Craig worked from home so he could leave ASAP instead of me anxiously awaiting his train and hoping he would make it in time to see the teachers. We just went to a local sandwich shop and sat outside eating a simple meal. It was wonderful. Peaceful.

Friday, Craig was supposed to have a "procedure" done that had to be canceled because they scheduled it with the wrong doc. He didn't want to cancel on the babysitter last minute and all ready had the time off work planned, so we skipped out and saw a movie and then went for a simple dinner. It was wonderful. Just to sit in the dark holding my hubby's hand with no one and nothing (ie.laundry/bills) yelling at me was wonderful.

Then, this AM. I was feeling lousy and decided a bath would help. Poor hubby was feeling neglected (boys were very needy both previous nights when we returned home, so there was no chance of "capping" the evening with romance). So I invited him to join me. The bathroom is the only room in the house with a lock. Baby went down for a nap and the big boys soon learned that we were having private grown up time and shouldn't open the door unless a) the house was on fire b) someone was spurting copious amounts of blood or c) there was at least one bone sticking out of someone's body where it shouldn't. We had a really lovely time despite the interruptions and my darling has been in a great mood all day.

Maybe now I can convince him we need a larger house with a master bath! ;)

Very Cool Product!

A local family has created this new stroller/bicycle. It will premiere at a bike show in Las Vegas next week. I would love to get my hands on one!

This is a little too close to home!

Long, but funny with a sweet ending. And sounds a little too much like my house, just add a screaming, overtired baby to the mix and you have my life.




Of course, I also have baby giggles and butterfly kisses and bug cities and a million other wonderful joys. I just have to remember these and forget the crying and the moaning and the whining and the fighting!

Living up to the title

Live, Love Laugh feel like that is what I have done in abundance tonight!

What a wonderful evening we have had. Amazing to me that I was so down just a few short days ago and am no so filled with contentment and joy.

We ate dinner all together on the deck. Craig worked from home, so he was able to eat with us and even help me calm the baby while I finished carrying everything out. We brought the high chair out on the deck and Nathaniel entertained us all while we ate. Who needs television when you have a baby? He loved all the attention of us laughing at him and really hammed it up. He really is a little person now. Jonathan and I shared some inside jokes, Matthew covered my face and neck with Kisses. Everyone was laughing and joking. It was wonderful. Just what I dreamed of oh so many years ago when battling infertility.

Thank you God, Goddess, world, for such a wonderful day!

Child of the Computer Age

I was such the cliche'd suburband SAHM today. Loaded up the minivan to do the drop off rounds, Daddy at the train, Galileo at elementary school and Maestro at preschool.

Anyway, at the train, the boys wanted to give Daddy a hug and a kiss, but there was no time and we didn't want them to get unbuckled in the kiss and ride zone. Craig said "blow me a kiss, I love you guys". Amidst the chorus of "I love you, Daddy"s, Galileo said "I blew you a kiss AND a hug".

As we drove away, I asked, "how do you blow a hug?" In his very nonchalant, straightforward 6 year old way, Galileo replied, "You hug your self, then you minimize it, then you blow". I couldn't stop laughing all the way up the hill.

Set me up to have a much better day!

My dream house

Just thought I would share my "dream house". Its not a mansion, but seems to have everything we need and would be especially good on the Pain full days. Hope the link works.

Only problems with it are that it is pretty far from the trains station and I don't think the jitney goes there, there aren't many kids in that neighborhood, oh and the price tag. Yeah, thats it!

Actually one of Jonathan's best friends lives on that street and I really like his mom, so that is pretty cool.

Ah well, its nice to dream.....

Doing a little better today

I managed to keep the kitchen relatively clean, order groceries to be delivered tomorrow so I wouldn't have to walk the aisles of our huge store, and fold much of the laundry that has been waiting. I also did all childcare on my own today as dh was gone until after 10pm. I know plenty of women do it on their own all the time but for me this is huge. Oh, I also made a few appointments I have needed to make for quite some time. More phone calls and appointments to make tomorrow including finding a sitter for Little Bit. Now, I must try to sleep.

Pain

This blog started many many moons ago as a way to help me pull myself up out of depression. I have been doing quite well for some time now (as long as I am medicated) so I changed the description. This weekend was quite a downer though and I felt myself sliding.

I have been in significant pain since we returned from vacation. My right foot has been really sore, but so has my ankle and knee and my left hip. I was in a car accident years ago that shattered my right leg, wrecked my right knee and broke my left pelvis. The pelvis wasn't found until a year+ after the accident. The extent of the knee damage wasn't found until after I delivered Maestro (~12 years later).

It seems all the flip flop and Crock wearing I did this summer, especially on vacation, did a number on my joints. I got new shoes and cheap arch supports hoping to improve things, but it only got worse. Another pair of sneakers and it got worse still. I went to a podiatrist on Friday hoping that some orthotics would get my feet realigned and get me back on my way to comfort and health. His xrays showed severe arthritis in my ankle - worse than I realized. He agreed that I have severe overpronation . This may be what is causing all my pain and it may be that orthotics will fix it, BUT custom made orthotics are $425 and insurance is unlikely to cover them.

I can not function like this though. I am in so much pain that I didn't do anything fun with my boys like I had hoped to do during their Rosh Hashanah break. We could have gone to the zoo or apple picking or to the beach, etc. but I was in so much pain that just taking them across the road to ride their bikes was exhausting. sigh.....

Saturday was soccer. Morning soccer in the rain with Maestro and then afternoon soccer with Galileo. I sat through most of the games and Craig parked and fetched the car so I wouldn't have to walk far, but I was still in so much pain I couldn't sleep. I finally took half of a percoset in the hopes of sleeping enough to get up and have a good day on Sunday. Wrong! I woke with a migraine from hell, and it has continued all day. So much for starting to go to church (Unitarian Universalist). So much for the block party we were invited to by a neighbor, so much for enjoying a beautiful day with my family. After snapping at my husband and being a total bear, I spent the rest of the day in bed. At least Craig accepted my sincere apology and said all the right things.

I blame most of this on that f*#@ing car accident I had 16 years ago. I know I should be grateful to be alive and grateful to have my beautiful family etc, etc, etc, but it pisses me off no end that the accident that I fought so hard to come back from is still ruling so many of my days.

I am also frustrated by my weight. I was going great guns in the spring. Lost my first 10% by my birthday, but decided WW would be too hard to do during the summer with the boys home. I vowed to maintain my weight and enjoy the summer. I did fairly well until we went on vacation. I have now gained ~10lbs in less than a month. I really don't think I am eating that much more, but I do know I have done some emotional eating. I'm also just so frustrated by this pain that keeps me from being outside and active. sigh....

Well this long ramble is getting so boring and is accomplishing nothing. Mostly it just explains why I am finding myself sliding back into depression. I find my thoughts going places that I know aren't good and the only way I can find to stop them is sleeping. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

sigh..........

Serendipity

"ser·en·dip·i·ty (srn-dp-t)

n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.

3. An instance of making such a discovery."

I have decided a believe I great deal in Serendipity. Call it coincidence. Call it being in the right place at the right time. Whatever, it seems to happen a lot in my life. The most recent brought chills. The other day, I was thinking about the fact that Little Bits birthday is coming and wondering what we should do to celebrate. A few hours later, I took the boys to buy a well earned Webkinz . The usual store we go to didn't have many choices and I was afraid Galileo would be disappointed, so we searched for another store. We went to one I have never been too in a place I rarely frequent. As we walked in, we saw a poster for the Miracle Walk for the NICU where Little Bit was born. It is on his first birthday. YAY! Now I know what to do. I 'm starting a team to walk and raise money. Then, we will have cake and ice cream with who ever can join us afterwards. We don't need anything for him, in fact the last thing we need in this tiny house is more stuff, so donation to the NICU are perfect. I'm so excited! I have been working on making my Personal Page and hope to send out emails to people tonight asking them to join us.

First Day of School Part 2

Maestro started to school in the 4 year old room. He is now going 5 mornings a week. Poor boy has definite middle child syndrome. Made such a big deal about Galileo starting school last week. We took pictures, the whole family drove him etc, etc. Today as we turned off our street I realized we hadn't taken a picture. Luckily I had a little camera in my purse. Asked Matthew if a pic at school was ok, but he wanted one at home, so we went around the block and raced out of the car. Snapped a pic and raced back. Daddy was all ready working and baby was screaming at being left in the car.

Maestro was a little nervous about going to school, but did just fine when we got there. Ran right in and began playing. Wouldn't have even acknowledged my leaving if another mommy hadn't told him "say good bye your mom".

I was a little nervous about how the somewhat grumpy ready-to-retire teacher would do with him. Maestro has been so negative, obstinate and argumentative lately. BUT he did wonderfully. At pick up, the teacher told him he was a great kid and she was glad to have him in the class. Then told me that he did great. She's probably remembering Galileo and the challenges his sensory issues brought to her classroom. They sure are different kids.

Raving Lunatic

That would describe me this weekend. Everything is getting on my last nerve. The big boys fighting, screaming, rough housing, the baby crying, dh is grumpy the house is a wreck, the laundry is a disaster (well its done, but not folded) the yard is a mess and on and on and on and on.

Yesterday I was exhausted and overwhelmed, so I did the oh so healthy (NOT) eat junk food and lay in bed thing. Today, I woke up feeling pretty good, but then got irritated when I was trying to get things done, the boys were fighting and dh had disappeared. Poor man was in bed. I went and rousted him out. So not fair of me, I know, but I need his help so I can put some order in our lives. Then, I have to find a way to maintain it. Our house is too small to let it get out of control and we simply can't afford a larger house right now. I railed all day yesterday about needing to finish the attic and basement. We need a place the kids can play/rough house/keep chokable toys etc. Only question is will they really agree to be on a different floor than me?

Maybe they need more attention. I have to figure this out. I hate yelling at them all the time, but they are making me insane! Maestro, my sweet joyful child has become angry and obstinate. Am I reacting to him or him to me? Or is he just very 4? Thank G-d he starts school tomorrow!

OK, back to work while they are out with dad and Little Bit is sleeping. Have to find a way to get balance back in our lives!

First Day of School

Jonathan started first grade today. Hard to believe my little boy is growing up so fast. Such a cliche, I know, but true. I was told his teacher is the best and she was very sweet this morning. Ironically, she is the only first grade teacher I had met last year.

He was a holy terror yesterday morning. I realized it was nerves, so I went out to the front porch where he was in time-out to talk to him. He was relieved to know that everyone is nervous and its normal. We went in to school to drop off an immunization form and to see if his teacher had the same classroom this year. He had enrichment in her room last year and was glad to see she is in the same room. We also went out to the black top to see where he will line up. That all seemed to calm his nerves. Then we kept busy the rest of the day so he wouldn't have time to worry. Bought new shoes (he insisted on tie shoes and then got frustrated when he couldn't do them perfectly) went to Tinga (mexican) for lunch and then to a playground we rarely visit. It was a very pleasant last day of summer.

Now, its time to make a grocery list and load up the little boys. I still haven't been shopping since we got back from vacation!

(I still plan to post vacation pictures. Guess I better get on that soon, huh?)

Loon Call

We are back from our 1,000+ mile odyssey through the Adirondack Mountain, the finger lakes of NY and the Mountains of WV. Much to report, but after much late night driving, unpacking, cleaning, doing laundry, getting the kids to the pool for one last hurrah of summer, I'm tired. So, I will leave you with one of the most beautiful memories of the trip. We listened to Loons calling to each other every night in the Adirondacks. Here is the second Loon call we heard quite often.

I hope to add more about the vacation with pictures soon. Of course, the back to school whirlwind starts soon, so maybe not.